Signs You Suck at Games
Give it up!
There comes a time when gamers need to wake up and face the truth… they suck at playing games. If any of these characteristics and behaviors describes you, then you obviously need some practice.
You Always Buy the Game Guide
Resorting to looking up or buying guides written by more successful players clearly shows that you need someone to hold your hand. (Also, reading is a sign of weakness, so real gamers leave game manuals inside the box and figure out the controls by themselves).
You’re Always the Lowest-Ranking Team Member
Games with ranking systems paint red marks onto players. Other players see the low rank as the culmination of your gaming performance (or lack thereof) and stand ready to boot you instead of allowing you to drag the team down.
You Spend More Time Spectating Than Playing
You know you suck when you always end up dying seconds after spawning into a game. Don’t feel too bad … it’s just natural selection at its best.
You Send Controllers Flying
Your suckage physically manifests itself in outbursts of frustration during which you chuck your controller straight at your 42-inch plasma. Next time: practice gaming instead of buying a giant TV to compensate for for your lack of skills
You Are the King of Cheap Achievements
As the saying goes, if you don’t have the skills to succeed, then fake it. Playing kid’s games, sports games and otherwise crappy games to earn easy achievement points on Xbox Live makes you look awesome to people as hollow as you. You know you don’t have what it takes for the real achievements.
Even N00bs Show You Up
You log hours upon hours practicing a game, but still get pwned by a 10-year-old picking up the controller for the first time. Even grandma puts up some fierce competition, and she’s practically deaf and blind.
You Use Four-Letter Words as Weapons
The first and last resort of any player getting destroyed by opponents is to curse, name-call and threaten as though doing any of that will increase their score. Then they report the person because they’re obviously cheating and/or hacking.
You’re Totally Geared Up and Still Losing
Your guild showers you with gold, gets you to top level in under a month and helps deck you out in the best armor and weapons the game has to offer, yet you still lose to characters ten levels lower than you. In that rush to get ahead, you never learned to play the game.
You Buy Characters or Items on eBay
Why bother playing a game when you can pay someone to do it for you? Congratulations, you have a manufactured character with a bank account overflowing with gold, carrying the best gear around. All it took was Visa or Mastercard. Enjoy the empty prestige while it lasts, because the next expansion will make it all obsolete.
